INTERRAIL 2003 > Day 30 > Tournai - Lille - Paris - Rouen - Dieppe - Newhaven - Hove Tournai - Lille My mad dashes to the toilet began in earnest around 4am, as the bottle of wine hit a no entry sign otherwise known as my bladder. My intestines had already sent a courier to the bladder manager warning of alcoholic intruders in the vicinity, and it had shut up shop early, forcing everything to go back the way it came. At least it was a relatively quick affair, over and done with in two visits, and I still had three hours of sleep available. Ultimately though, one of life's smallest visible creatures was to inflict misery upon me during this window of rest, keeping me awake until sunshine beamed in through the uncovered skylight and cooked me out of bed. I had no idea what this thing was, but it was unlike anything else I'd seen or heard. Each time my head hit the pillow, I could guarantee all of two minutes' rest before a persistent little insect began taking kamikaze flights into my ear. It made a menacing little whining sound which would become louder and louder, until it had circled my head a few times and mistaken my lugholes for Heathrow. Each time I would flinch and erupt from my bedcovers in a giant spasm, feeling grateful there were no others sharing my dormitory, although if there had been they would have at least provided some alternative airstrips for the little blighter. I put the light on and tried to search for the culprit, but it was near invisible. All that could be seen around the room were two tiny, lightweight and decidedly innocent looking winged sticks on the opposite wall. A swipe in the general direction of one of them confirmed that they emitted no noise in flight. After repeated infiltrations by this mystery invader each time I tried to lie down, I began to question my own sanity, and I considered the empty bottle of wine resting in the bin. The small but never under-active part of my brain set aside for paranoid delusions began to reason with the idea that MI5 had planted a breakthrough hi-tech gadget in my room in order to observe me. A nanotechnologically powered micro-helicopter with a spy-cam on board was trying to extract information about my identity. I never actually found the creature. Perhaps it was a mosquito, or perhaps it was just a good job that I was returning home today. In my determination to conquer the wine last night, I had forgotten to set my watch alarm for the correct time, and I mistimed my morning routine completely. I dashed downstairs for breakfast with only minutes of the dining period to spare, gobbled some bread and jam, downed a tepid coffee and found myself with only five minutes remaining to pack my bag and get out of the hostel without incurring another night's charges. It hadn't given me the best start for the long day of travelling which lay ahead. My walk to Tournai train station had to be brisk, and it involved navigating Dog Turd Boulevard. The road running direct from the station into the city centre was awash with canine deposits, as if the townsfolk were preparing a special welcome for a despised tourist industry. I watched as a man in front allowed his Alsatian to coil a double 99 with a flake slap bang in the middle of the pavement, like a homage to Mr Whippy's evil counterpart. I could imagine the years of training sessions which must have taken place on this very street, with owners instructing their pets, 'Bonzo, here boy, park yourself down on this major thoroughfare and provide a nice little welcome for our town's guests.......well done Bonzo!' Tournai was otherwise a splendid little place, but the temporary faecal art installations lining this avenue were its one down side, and brown side. I made it to the station unscathed, although it would have been the final insult for my trainers had they fallen foul of any of the piles of mess. It was immensely satisfying to know that these dear old soles had lasted the trip through to the end, and I was proud that I had proved some kind of point - a fairly pointless one but it pleased me all the same. The train took me across the border into France, and I was now only a short distance from its northern coast and the opposing shores of England. However, the line from Lille across to Dieppe was an obscure rural route with a punishing schedule, and part of it was closed and subject to replacement bus services. My only option was to go all the way south to Paris and bounce back out again. Lille - Paris The only time I had travelled through Lille previously was on the Eurostar service to Brussels, which dived underground into a giant elongated ditch and emerged at the futuristic, semi-submerged Euro-Lille station. This time I was arriving at Lille Flandres, a more traditional arched-roof terminal where every other train parked inside was a double-decker. I had seen plenty of two-storey trains during my journeys, but all my life I was yet to travel on one. There could surely be nothing particularly exciting anymore to a thirty-year-old man about sitting upstairs, but I was a big kid at heart who longed to try it at least once. My connecting service rolled in an hour later, and I was almost dismayed to see that it was just a bog standard, single deck TGV. This was the fastest train in the world, about to take me down a section of route built specially as a high speed line for achieving upwards of 200 miles per hour. But I wanted to go upstairs, it just wasn't fair. We flew like a bullet across the plains of Pas-de-Calais, and the calm of the people around me as we sailed serenely through the landscape was palpable. So much so, that a man who sat at the table on the opposite side of the aisle was peeling carrots. It was all in a regular day's work for him, as he happily prepared a stream of fruit and vegetables during the ride, and proceeded to chomp each of them raw. He made the rest of us feel wholly inadequate for failing to bring our own pocket potato peelers, and demonstrated an obvious bright idea that nobody else had thought of. There we all were, sat with our overpriced, unhealthy snacks bought from the station whilst he had the simple vision to acquire - at a significant cost saving - two carrots, two tomatoes, a banana, an orange and an avocado which he clearly satisfied himself with, but at the expense of causing the two travelling girls sat opposite to have fits of laughter each time he produced a new item from his bag. After an hour inside, I exited the greengrocers at Paris Gare du Nord, pleased to discover that I still had two travel tickets remaining from the carnet I had purchased during my earlier visit to the capital. One of these would be sufficient to get me across the city to Gare St. Lazare, and much as I loved the Paris Metro - apart from its horrible announcement jingles - I decided to see a few sights and take a bus instead. This could have proved to be a fatal error, as I chose a bus driven by an escaped nutcase who careered through the streets with a degree of lunacy normally reserved for James Bond speedboat stuntmen. He was in charge of a folding bus, of double length and with a squelchy accordion in the middle perfectly suited to giant French folk musicians. The journey between the two stations was far longer than I had expected, and many of the streets en route were narrow thoroughfares blocked by double-parked vans. He blasted his way through and seemed intent to stop at nothing, somehow managing to avoid collision with umpteen cars at the roadside. In fairness, his driving was impeccable. The gaps on each side were often an inch wide and he took both portions of the bus through at forty miles per hour. Forget Disneyland Paris, just bring the kids here. I was bracing myself for doing a loop-the-loop at any moment. |
Dieppe - Newhaven Once the ferry was finally ready to depart, it was more than an hour overdue from the time originally stated. I didn't really mind, as the company were clearly struggling to operate a profitable service during the summer months whilst the Seacat competed with them. For the lower price they offered to foot passengers, I would grin and bear the delays, because it would be a shame to see the large ferry service withdrawn altogether like it had been before. In holding off a while longer, there had now built up a respectable number of lorries queueing for position too. Saturdays were boom time for Transmanche, they had nearly sixty passengers! This was a sufficient enough number for a full dinner service to be offered, and I tucked into my last holiday meal as we left Dieppe harbour and kissed goodbye to mainland Europe. There was little to see out on deck and it became very blustery as night fell, but there was even less to do downstairs, with perhaps the only place of interest - the bar - being occupied by the English louts. Unfulfilled by the unchanged free magazines which I had exhausted on the outbound crossing, I restlessly made circuits of the decks, eventually deciding to stay outside on the top with my hood up despite the cold and forceful winds. During the last forty minutes of the four-hour crossing, England homed into view, with the lighthouse of Beachy Head providing flashes of life to the east, and the coastline of Brighton and its remaining pier clearly visible to the west. Straight ahead though, were the cliffs, and it wasn't until the very last minute that the ferry diverted course and took a swing eastwards into the harbour at Newhaven. The town of Newhaven seemed to cling on to the ferry service as its lifeline. Aside from a fantastic fort built into the cliffs, it had little of great interest for travellers and tourists, and as our large ferry gently and carefully chugged through the narrow waters of the dock, I stood waving back at people in bars a long way below who all gathered around the windows and balconies in excitement at the ship's arrival. They cheered and waved to the small party on board, as the ship towered incongruously above them and I looked down from its highest platform. On the opposite side lay the dark wastelands around the ferry terminal, and there, stood outside alone I could see my father. He had conveniently just finished his shift at work and had driven out to Newhaven to give me a lift. As I joined a queue of passengers descending the several flights of stairs on the boat, an intoxicated yob picked a fight with the guy in front of me, and staggered down the steps shouting and swearing. The other man had nothing to do with it, there had been no provocation and it could well have been me on the receiving end. This country couldn't have changed much whilst I was gone, since I wasn't even able to set foot on it before the first brawl broke out. Welcome to Britain. Just another Saturday night. Newhaven - Hove I fully expected to be interrogated by customs officers, because my previous experiences of returning to Britain had often required a session of bag-rummaging with some miserable officials. But the one man checking passports in the Transmanche terminal greeted me with a smile and bid me goodnight - what a star! I met my father outside and he ushered me into the car like the shopkeeper in Mr Benn, only without the fez hat. I found myself back in the bedroom of my home, after a twenty-five minute ride through the dark hills of the South Downs, a familiar sight even when pitch black. I downed my rucksack and made a cup of midnight cocoa, my head spinning with a hundred small stories, most of them irrelevant, some of them having a personal poignance which ensured they would last in my mind forever more. Perhaps, in a few days, I would write a report on the whole adventure. It needn't be much, just a few short pages. My first month of life on the line, and thirty days of Interrail tales was finally at an end. Well, nearly. HOSTEL REPORT: My
own bed, home.
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